Let me start out by telling you what a big fan I am so that you will understand why I am so miffed. My owner Doc left me at home while she went with her friends to see your “Pure and Simple” tour that came through town. Her excuse was that dogs aren’t allowed at concerts. I told her if you knew how much I love you, you would have made an exception, but she wouldn’t change her mind. Excuse me, as I do digress from what I really want to ask you, so here goes.
Dolly, I have earned some vacation time at work and think it would be a great idea if I traveled with you on your tour bus for a while. I imagine that you probably get lonely out on the road and could use a faithful companion that knows how to keep his mouth shut and just listen. Just imagine us riding in the back of the bus, you singing some of your songs like Jolene and I could howl along.
Another advantage with having me along is that I could act as a body-guard when overzealous fans or creepy people try to get too close to you. Even though I am a therapy dog, I do have a deep low growl I use when needed. People would think twice about trying to get by a big black 83 pound dog. Or, I could guard your wig collection and all your rhinestones while you are on stage performing. I imagine there are quite a few people who would like to score one of Dolly Parton’s wigs or outfits for themselves.
The biggest reason I want to spend time with you is that I could use some of your great home spun advice. I really need your input on how to manage Doc when she gets too bossy with me. I have heard you say that ” We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails, ” but I think her sails might be too big to adjust no matter what I try. Maybe having some time apart will help, especially if she sees that a pretty blonde like yourself might have a permanent job for me.
Well Dolly, give it some thought and let me know. I can be ready whenever you need me because I pack light. Even if you can’t take me along this time I will understand. You will always be my favorite country star.