Dear Elvis,

They say you died before I was born, but I don’t believe it. That being said, I have my own theories.

I agree with the humans that believe you may have staged your own death because you got sick of all the limelight and lack of privacy. I imagine you quietly living out your senior years, on a remote island somewhere in the Indian Ocean. Dressed only in a Speedo, your grey hair blowing in the breeze, you spend your time like the old high school football star, remembering your glory days by watching all your old cheesy Elvis movies and your concert tapes.

Or, my second theory is that you did die and you have come back as a Zombie. People will certainly leave you alone if you are a Zombie. Think of the possibilities! You could start a whole new career as an extra on the TV show The Walking Dead. Quietly you would suggest to the director and the writers of the show the possibility of introducing an Elvis Zombie look-alike. Elvis Zombie could sing old Elvis tunes that lull the living into letting the Zombies eat their brains. Fabulous! (It’s ok with me if you use my idea).

Just so you know, lots of people are still making money off your image and all your music. Why, they even have opened up your old house Graceland to tourists that traipse through all the rooms, looking at your stuff. Some fans stand outside the gates and cry, they miss seeing you so much.

Do you know about all the Elvis impersonators?  If you do, that must just get your goat. Some of those impersonators even have their own female groupies that act like they are the real Elvis. I have watched those women rush the stage and throw their undies at those fakes. How Rude!

Well Elvis, that’s all I have to say for now. Doc says it’s getting late and it’s time for me to go to bed. I just wanted to drop you a line and tell you that wherever you are, in heaven or on earth, I hope you are at peace. You left us with some great music that has touched even my little doggy heart and I just wanted to thank you. Take care.

Love,

Grover