Photo by Angela Kirk

Human’s like to talk about self-esteem. I am not quite sure what that really is, but they discuss  it in terms of it being either high or low. When I asked Doc about it, she told me the easiest way to describe it is to think about a big bucket with holes in it. She said the bucket represents your ego and the holes represent the emotional wounds that occur in your life. “Some people have more holes in their bucket, some people have less.” she said. “People then go through life trying to fill up those holes by engaging in different things to make themselves feel better. The problem is that the things they do or the people they choose to be around are not always the healthiest ways to fill those bucket holes.

After giving that some though I asked? ” Well why would they pick those unhealthy things or people if it’s not good for them?” She became very quiet and then she responded. ” Come over here and lay beside me Grover, this may take a while to explain.”

“Grover, remember when you were being bullied by the cat down the street and some of the dogs made fun of you because you were scared? ” she asked. “Well you came right home and told me about it because it also hurt your feelings and you didn’t like the dogs in the neighborhood calling you a big baby.”  Yes I remember,” I said.  ” You told me I had a choice about how I could handle it and that being afraid is nothing to be ashamed of because everybody is afraid sometimes.” ” That’s right! she said, and in the end you decided to confront your fear and now you are friends with that cat. Instead you could have chosen to say mean things about that cat to everyone in the neighborhood just to make yourself feel better.”

Then I asked Doc what I had been curious about all along, ” So what kind of things do humans do to fill up their holes?” “Well that’s a long list, she said, but the most important thing you need to know is this, the only way you can patch up those holes in your bucket permanently is to work on fixing the problem. People often make the mistake of thinking that if they change things on the outside, everything will get better. It may make them feel better for a minute, but it never lasts. If you remember  this one thing you will always come out on top….patching up those holes in your bucket is always an inside job.”

Doc left me with a lot to think about.  So, I did what I always do when my brain is overloaded with thoughts.  I fell right to sleep.