Bigfoot Blues

bigfoot_squatSometimes Doc goes out of the house to run a short errand and leaves the TV on for me. That is when I turn on one of my favorite shows on Animal Planet called Finding Bigfoot.

In it’s 6th season, three very smart scientists that belong to the Bigfoot Field Research Organization travel around the planet to investigate Bigfoot sightings. They go out in the woods at night and make mating sounds that are supposed to attract Bigfoot. Wearing night vision goggles that cast an eerie green light to show the way, they listen closely until they hear some blood curdling screams coming from the woods.  Research scientist James “BoBo” Fay yells “That’s Squatch!” Frantically, they rush toward the noise hoping to capture Bigfoot. After six years, they have not captured or found one, but as “BoBo” explains “A lot of stuff happens you don’t see.”

In addition to scientists, there are also every day citizens that have spotted and taken pictures of Bigfoot. At the beginning of 2015, a man named John Rodrigues, a retired electrician spotted Bigfoot in Florida, northeast of Tampa. (Apparently Bigfoot went south to escape the snow.) John reported to the HuffPost, ” I fish for gar in the river and I bring my camera to take pictures of the birds and what not. I heard a squishing sound, looked over and saw this thing walking through the water and crouch down in the duck weed. It did not look like a guy in a suit…it was definitely an animal. I took the picture and got out of there as fast as I could. My whole life, never seen anything like it.”

All of this reporting on Bigfoot got me to thinking about what might be lurking in Doc’s backyard. So far, the biggest animals I have encountered are deer and a red fox. But, I probably need to be careful  when I go out at night as there have been numerous Bigfoot sightings in eastern Ohio. Until then, I will continue to watch Finding Bigfoot when Doc isn’t home. I am hoping for an episode that Bigfoot emerges from the woods and drags James “BoBo” Fay the scientist back into the woods. Now that would be a good show!

I82A6914“The Heimlich maneuver works on house pets. My pit bull was choking on his dinner. I squeezed his stomach and the neighbor’s cat shot right out.”

— Scott Wood

Grover’s Mailbox

mailboxIt’s time to answer more letters from my blog and Facebook friends. Keep writing in by leaving a post on the comment section of this blog or on my Facebook page.

Dear Grover,

Tonight I caught my dog Pebbles staring at the wall, looking at her shadow. What is THAT all about?

Signed,

Crystal

 

Dear Crystal,

Your dog Pebbles is suffering from a classic case of boredom. In order to stimulate herself, she has made friends with her own shadow and obviously likes what she sees. Her shadow is keeping her company. Now, if she should get obsessed with her own shadow, then that’s a whole other issue and we will need to consult Ceasar Millan, the dog whisperer for help. Until then, divert Pebbles by throwing her a ball or a treat. When I chase my own tail out of boredom, Doc plays with me to get my attention.

Wishing you the best,

Grover

 

Dear Grover,

Why do dogs always want to sniff my private parts? It’s uncomfortable and embarassing.

Signed,

Shy in Seattle

Dear Shy,

Humans have lots of ways they greet each other, like handshakes, hugs and high fives. Dogs smell your privates because we like to keep it simple and it’s easier than going through your billfold to get information about you. One sniff and we know about your health, stress level, hormones and we can even detect some cancers and other medical problems. It’s the same reasons we sniff other dogs when we meet. We want the scoop so we know if we want to take the relationship to the next level. So don’t take it as disrespect, but if it really embarasses you, teach the dog a more polite greeting like shaking hands. I smell Doc everyday to find out what she has been up to because odors never lie.

Take care,

Grover

 

I82A6914” In times of joy, all of us wished we possessed a tail we could wag.”

— W. H. Auden

I Ate the Whole Thing and I Liked It

gloves3

GroverandGloveSince puppyhood, I have eaten many things that aren’t suppose to be on the menu of a dog. Rubber balls, foam out of slippers, packing peanuts, panty hose and feathers out of pillows just to name a few. But, even I was surprised what I ate the other day.

Late Thursday morning Doc took me over to the other building in the CompDrug complex where we work. She needed to talk to some of the counselors about a project she was working on. On the way back to the main building she became distracted while talking to another coworker. When she took me back into our office, she put her gloves in her pocket, hung up her coat and left the room. What Doc didn’t realize, was that she had dropped one of the gloves on to the floor.

At first I didn’t pay much attention to it, but I became curious after a while and went over just to sniff it. Then I decided I had better lick it, just to see what it tasted like. Before I knew it, I was chewing on it and had suddenly eaten the whole thing. After that I took a nap.

When Doc came back to the office, she put on her coat, put her hands in her pocket and only had one glove. She looked around the office, then looked me in the eye and said “Grover did you eat my glove?” Since there was no evidence I didn’t say a word. At that point, Doc started retracing her steps, went back over to the building and asked multiple staff members if anyone had found a black glove. Scott, one of the counselors that I like very much because he feeds me bacon and pretzles exclaimed, “He couldn’t have eaten a whole glove!” On Friday she continued her search and Len, another counselor thought he had seen it in the trash, so they looked through the trash cans, but couldn’t find it.

Everything was fine until Sunday. Doc saw on the TV that a snow storm was on the way, so she decided to pick up after me in the yard. She bent down to pick up my poo and saw pieces of the black glove. Busted! She looked alarmed, but I was fine and continued to act like I didn’t know a thing. For a week she watched me like a hawk, followed me around when I ate, used the bathroom and kept checking my belly.

Well, things are back to normal but I learned a few things 1. Bro code applies even between male dogs and male humans (Thanks to Len and Scott for trying to cover for me); 2. What goes in one end comes out the other;  3. Doc is smarter than she looks, so I might as well tell the truth in the very beginning; and  4. Doc loves me and is always looking out for me. That’s the most important thing of all.

groverpic “I believe in integrity. Dogs have it. Humans are sometimes lacking it.”

— Cesar Millan

groverpicIf there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

— Wil Rogers

Rejected Love

Millie and groverI knew the moment that I smelled her coming in the back door of our office building that she was the dog for me. Doc wouldn’t let me meet her at the door, so I waited in the office with nervous anticipation. When the time came for our first encounter, I couldn’t believe my eyes. She was the cutest dog that I had ever seen. Her name was Millie and I was in love at first sight.

Doc and Millie’s human Kate, decided it would be best if we met outside so we could do the traditional dog smelling thing that canines do. After all, I did need some more information before taking the relationship to the next level. I thought I was giving Millie all of my best moves, but when I went over to sniff her, she tucked her tail between her legs and walked away. I couldn’t figure out what went wrong. About an hour later, I ran into her in the hall and tried to let her know I wanted to play and even laid down on the floor to let her know I was being submissive to her. I let out two short barks vocalizing my love for her. It didn’t work. This time she growled at me and ran back into her human’s office and hid behind the chair. Doc just shook her head.

Later in the day, I heard Millie in the hall, so I ran out of the office without permission and cornered her, determined to win her love. Millie nipped me! That really got my attention. Doc came running down the hall and said “Grover, your behavior is starting to border on stalking, leave Millie alone.” She knew that I felt scorned, so she knelt down, kissed me on the nose and said, “Grover I don’t want you to become the kind of dog that keeps trying to win over puppies that reject you, that’s not healthy.  One day the right dog will come along that loves you just the way you are, so don’t settle.”

I understood what Doc meant, but it still hurt. I guess the poet Abraham Cowley said it best ” Of all the pain, the greatest pain, it is to love, but in vain.”