The Cat Burglar Strikes Again

It’s been a minute since I updated you on my cousin Garrett that lives in that state up north. I am sorry to report that he has not changed his cat burglar ways. As a result of his continued crime spree, his mom (Doc’s niece), had to end up putting their house up for sale and move to a new town hoping for a fresh start, but that didn’t last long. As everyone knows, compulsive behavior is hard to stop and before long, Garrett started sneaking around in the dark of night looking for anything he could get his paws on.

The first month in the new house he was put on restriction and not allowed out of the house. After all, they had to put on a good front for the new neighbors. Finally, after howling and screeching every night for over a month, his human mom and his animal siblings couldn’t get any sleep with all his complaining, so they let him out of the house just to shut him up, hoping he had changed his ways. But you know what they say, a tiger doesn’t change his stripes, so it didn’t take long for him to scout the new neighborhood and bring home some loot that he found. It started innocently enough with just a sock here and there and no one suspected that their seemingly nice new neighbors were harboring a thief that prowled in the night. But over time, people became suspicious knowing they could have not misplaced so many things and the whispers started, as they wondered if there was a thief in their sleepy little town.

After giving this some thought, what I don’t understand about Garrett is why on earth would he want to prowl around at night when he could be sleeping soundly in his humans bed? Not only that, but there are some vicious critters that work the night shift and he would have to stay extra alert not to be attacked by a racoon or god forbid, a coyote. And the stuff he steels and brings home these days is nothing of value. Apparently he has lowered his standards as he has gotten older. His latest haul is nothing more than some dirty socks and deflated balloons. At least in his old neighborhood he brought home some things that were valuable. Maybe he’s loosing his edge, after all he is getting older.

Finally, after Doc’s niece saw that he was not going to stop, she did the right thing and placed a sign out in the front yard like she did at the old house, letting the neighbor’s know where to find their stolen goods. Now if that was me, I would be humiliated , seek help and repent, but not Garrett. He acts like all of this attention makes him some type of gangster celebrity like Doc’s relative Jessie James.

All I know is one thing, as the holidays get closer, I have made it very clear to Doc that I do not want Garrett to come to our house until he has reformed. I know I should be more empathetic given what I do for a living, but I don’t think you should have to pat down your cousin when they leave to make sure he hasn’t tried to “borrow ” any of our stuff. That may be acceptable behavior in Michigan, but that ain’t acceptable behavior in the Buckeye State.

3 Comments
  • Garrett Kirk
    September 21, 2022

    Garrett here. I read this blog and have a few things to say. First of all, I have no control over what items are being left outside for me to filch. The people of Marshall seem to be much more fastidious than the people of Richland. Maybe it has to do with wealth. Richland is pretty high falutin, so maybe they can just replace things like shoes, smart watches, and Amazon packages. Here I’m stuck with construction materials, childrens dirty socks and deflated balloons. No fancy children’s cowboy boots! In fact, no shoes at all, people keep them on their feet.
    Secondly, we did not move because of my “crime sprees”. That implies that I want to possess things. Eastern philosophies would suggest that attachments to worldly possessions impede spiritual growth. Detachment as release from desire and consequently from suffering is an important principle, or even ideal, in Buddhism, Hinduism, Jainism, Stoicism, Taoism and Baháʼí Faith. I am quite spiritual. I am helping others with this concept. Mom just wanted to be closer to work.
    Thirdly, I will never step foot in Ohio! I don’t care for traveling. It’s not that I don’t want to meet my relatives, of course I do. Car rides are hard on cats. I’m a creative, fun loving kitty. I know you would enjoy these adventures Grover if you’d just allow yourself. The night is so exciting…

  • Amy Cochran
    September 21, 2022

    This is the funniest damn story I’ve heard in a long time.

    • Grover
      September 21, 2022

      Thank you Amy,
      Best Wishes
      Grover

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